Why didn’t I make that call? Why didn’t I go to that meeting? What is stopping me from going back to the beginning and embracing the program? Why am I scared?
It would be a very simple thing to do, to change the way I live now, to give up the way I live now for a life that is based on the fellowship. At the moment I have very few people in my life and very little contact with others, I would be going to meetings and being with people like myself. Why am I scared to make that switch? My last few attempts have been failures. I go to a meeting, I go through the motions, I have shared my AA past and it’s like I know it all already. I leave the meeting and I close the door to that world and go back into my life, my life where I am simply waiting for the moment when I can drink.
I need to get back in, and stay in…. I need to not close the door as I leave meeting I need to make the fellowship part of my daily life, I think I had this before but it’s long gone.
So why not have the day that I was planning last time I came here? I can get through my day without a drink and then drive into town and find a meeting.
So . . . I go for a long run with my girlfriend and my dog and all the way my mind is full of AA. My body gets a huge dose of endorphins and my mood changes to positive. I ponder all of the serendipity that has brought me to where I am, I am blessed in so many ways and I have such an urge to give back in some way. I can think of exactly one act that would bring all of these things together
Hoping you get to the meeting. There was a time that came when deep inside, I told myself I am beaten, and for me, drinking is not an option. It’s a complete surrender. I am so beaten, for me, to drink is to die. Others can drink, not I. Hang tough! None of us needs to drink again, and none of us need to be alone again.